The Man Utd circus continues as chaotic Copenhagen defeat adds to season of deep embarrassment
FC Copenhagen 4-3 Manchester United (Elyounoussi 45′, Goncalves 45+9′ pen, Lerager 83′, Bardghji 87′ | Hojlund 3′, 28′, Rashford red card 42′, Fernandes 69′ pen)
PARKEN — If nothing else, it was a piece of pure performance art.
Even in the context of this bin fire of a season at the circus, sacrificing a two-goal lead and having a player sent off after his recall from a mysterious injury and the public beratement of the manager was an impressive fall.
People have accused Manchester United of being boring. But just because you know they will fall short of expectation doesn’t mean that you can guess how.
At full-time, they stood in the away end, statuesque. The anger will come, the resentment and the bitterness for so much spent to watch so damn little. But temporarily, they were paralysed by the length and breadth of the shambles.
The ownership of this club has caused great decay, but it doesn’t bar a modicum of competence. United barely ever managed that in Copenhagen and even then it was a prelude to the punchline.
Before the game in Parken, Copenhagen’s majestic sporting arena, the club paraded the class of 2006 around the pitch, the iconic team that beat Manchester United for FC Copenhagen’s first-ever Champions League group stage win.
That season, United reached the semi-finals before losing to the eventual winners. Now Copenhagen’s two record signings are Kamil Grabara and Andreas Cornelius, who played no games for Liverpool and scored no goals for Cardiff City respectively.
There was desperately bad luck, however much United’s foes may disagree. Marcus Rashford received the type of red card you never got before decisions were judged at super-slow-motion, trying to shield the ball by planting his foot whilst looking in the opposite direction.
Harry Maguire had his arms up but only because he was jostling like every defender does. A two-goal lead evaporated while the away end failed to comprehend the level to which their club appears cursed.
But what goes around, comes around. Erik ten Hag’s side were bettered by Copenhagen at Old Trafford, mighty fortunate not to lose by a team created on a fraction of the budget but ten times the forethought.
That missed penalty felt like Copenhagen’s best chance had gone. But you always get more chances against this uninspiring, uninspired rabble. Copenhagen conceded against 10 men but roared back because Diogo Dalot can’t defend at the back post and then won it all by themselves.
There was promise – every calamity requires pride to extend the depth of the fall. Rasmus Hojlund left Copenhagen without scoring a league goal but having improved his reputation in Europe he’s quickly repeating the same feat in Manchester.
The first followed a majestic move in which Rashford, Aaron Wan-Bissaka and Scott McTominay were all involved. The second followed a lightning flash counter. Is it more frustrating that they can do it but don’t, or can’t and so won’t?
This campaign has become a deep embarrassment, the equivalent of the bumbling government minister forced to stand on the stage of a provincial leisure centre at a general election and learn in painful detail how much they have let everybody down. Now Manchester United must likely win in Istanbul to avoid demotion to another competition. Welcome to hell? This lot couldn’t cope in a sunny meadow. They are an abject mess of broken relationships and substandard guidance.
